Another Fall
Feast of Saint Dominic Henares 25th June 2003
"Trust in God", sadly, I trusted in myself. And why not, I thought? Had I not gone two days without a drink? Was it not my own willpower that enabled me to limit my food to one meal a day, again for the last two days? I suppose even a fool would have realised that two days of exercising a limited amount of self-control demonstrated very little growth in willpower. A wise man knows that we can accomplish nothing without God.
So, deluded by my new found self-restraint I put myself into an occasion of sin. Needless to say my prayers of resistance were weak and feeble. Even as I prayed, "Jesus mercy, Mary help", my will had already turned to the possibility of serious sin. I allowed myself (forced myself?) to stray further and further from God's wishes. Foolishly, I half (or a lesser fraction) thought that I could turn away at the moment it became a serious sin - though in my heart of hearts I knew already that I was committing such a sin. Yet even when in this situation it is still possible to stop committing the same sin, or a new one.
For one brief moment I had the opportunity of sinning no further. Of course, without prayer, with reliance on one's own weakened will this opportunity was lost.
But God is merciful, His Son died for us, and the Holy Spirit is abroad bringing all men to Him. His Holy Church is the last stop before Salvation. By the graces won for us by Our Lord's Passion I was able to receive God's forgiveness through, IMHO, the most underused Sacrament, Reconciliation.
Presumption is clearly a sin against the Holy Spirit, and I hope to God my confession and penance were acceptable to God. May my resolution to avoid the occassions of sin prove strong. I hope and pray to the Blessed Virgin Mary that she and all the saints, especially SS. Bernadette, Bernadine of Sienna, Rogation and Donation, Meriadoc of Cornwall, Peter of Spain, and my latest hope, St Dominic Henares, will intercede on my behalf and beg Our Lord to help me. Please, please heaveny intercessors, implore Jesus to grant a miserable sinner the graces he is so unworthy of. Please Our Lady and friends use your influence to help Him help me, despite the fact that I have so often crucified Him by my sins and deserved Hell.
Lord Jesus, grant me the divine aid I need to feel the meaning of the words I've written.
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